Last Monday, I wrote about wives submitting to husbands and offered a glimpse of what Biblical marriage looks like.

While the term “submit” or “submission” often elicits a negative response in our society, when it is properly applied in a Biblical marriage, it is a positive.

I watched a couple of interviews late last week of Candace Cameron Bure as she defended her role as a submissive wife in a Biblical marriage relationship.  I love this quote from her, “Meekness, it is not weakness. It is strength under control, it is bridled strength.” – Candace Cameron Bure

While the media in the USA has been quite negative towards Candace’s statements about marriage in her interviews last week, I applaud her for having the courage to stand up and give a beautiful description of what a wife’s submissive role in a Biblical marriage is.

For decades now, North Americans have been fed a steady diet of media that portrays men as weak-minded, incapable leaders; prone to messing up the most basic tasks; most of whom would be completely and utterly lost if it was not for the amazingly strong and capable women in their lives.

Seriously consider how the roles for men and women have been portrayed in these popular television shows:

–          All in the Family

–          The Flintstones

–          The Cosby Show

–          Home Improvement

–          The Simpsons

–          Everybody Loves Raymond

–          The King of Queens

–          According to Jim

I’m sure the list could go on with several more, but for now I will stop here.

I remember back when I was newly married and had an issue with my car. Dan (my husband) was going to get it looked after, but before he could I went and asked my father what he thought the problem was and what I should do about it. I did it without thinking of how it would impact Dan. Dan was doing his very best for me and was in the process of looking after the matter and felt that I totally dismissed what he was trying to do by going to my father for advice and information. He said he felt like I didn’t trust him to look after me and that I didn’t respect him as the leader in our home. While it hadn’t been my intention, when I looked at my actions, I realized that he was right and I was wrong with what I had done.

As women and wives, we have a tremendous responsibility towards our husbands. In scripture women are not told to love their husbands. I think this is because loving them is easy for us. Respecting them, trusting them and submitting to them is what is more difficult.

However, when we display respect towards our husbands; and through both our actions and our words encourage our husbands to be the leaders in our homes, then they have the opportunity to be the men that God created them to be.

I have heard women say things to the effect that they will start respecting their husbands when their husbands start acting in a manner that is worthy of respect.  I wonder how those same women would feel if their husbands said they would love their wives when their wives started acting in a manner that was worthy of love?

It’s awfully hard to love someone who doesn’t respect you, trust you, or value your thoughts and opinions.

As wives, we have to look for ways to affirm our men. We need to build them up and encourage them to be leaders.  When he takes out the garbage without you asking him, thank him and let him know that you notice and appreciate the things he does for his family. Wives should be the biggest fans, the loudest cheerleaders and the best supporters of their husbands.

Instead of focusing on his short-comings, try focusing on his strengths. Instead of waiting for a perfect husband to show your respect to, learn to respect the imperfect person that God has BLESSED you with for his position in your home as the leader and remember that he is not in love with a perfect wife, he is in love with imperfect you!

 

 

I find it very interesting to watch and listen to reactions whenever the topic of Biblical marriage comes up in conversation and the inevitable word ‘submit’ is mentioned.

A lot of women have a very negative reaction to the word submit and our society has certainly shown us what the abuse of submission can do leading us to believe that it is somehow ‘wrong’ for a woman to submit to her husband even though scripture says otherwise.

Personally, I think wives have the easier side of the marriage relationship, but that’s because I didn’t stop reading when I got to Ephesians 5:22, I kept reading through to Ephesians 5:33. Here’s the passage from the NIV Bible:

²² Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

In a Biblical marriage, the role of the husband is to be the head of the wife. Again, this is something that women tend to view negatively, however,  this passage of scripture clearly shows that husbands are to be the head of the wife AS Christ is the head of the church, and to LOVE their wives AS Christ LOVED the church. The passage goes on to tell husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.

Jesus Christ loved the church SO much that He gave up His life, His desires, and everything He had. That’s quite the example to live up to as a husband.

Even loving someone else as your own body is a tall order. That requires husbands to care for their wives by providing food, shelter, comfort, and everything necessary that the husbands want for themselves.

It is EASY for a wife to submit to a husband when he loves his wife so much that he puts an equal to or higher priority on her needs and wants than on his own. How could it ever be hard to submit to someone who has your best interests in mind, your comfort and security as a top priority, and puts your desires as equal to or above his own?

The challenge in a Biblical marriage is that none of us are perfect. No husband is perfect, and no wife is perfect. So the question that needs to be answered is how does each marriage partner become the best marriage partner they can possibly be?

Start with reading the Bible and praying about what you can specifically do to become a better husband or wife.

One piece of advice that we were given as a young married couple was to try treating each other like we were royalty.  I was to treat my husband as if he was a king, and he was to treat me as if I were a queen. Not just once in a while, or one day a week, but all the time! That can play out differently for different couples but to give you some ideas on what this could look like, here are a few things that we did.

Wife:

–          Making his coffee in the mornings and taking it to him as opposed to having him come to the kitchen and fixing it himself

–          Consciously thinking about what he would need to make his day easier and then working on making some of those things happen such as making sure his work clothes were clean and ready when he needed them, or making sure the kids weren’t rambunctious and crazy when he wasn’t feeling well

–          Looking after some things around the house myself that he would normally do, but may be too busy to do, unless it’s something that I couldn’t really do and would only make the situation worse by trying!! J

–          Making special meals that I know he enjoys and prefers especially when he’s had a rough day, or to celebrate a really good day

–          Thinking of and preparing special gifts that really demonstrate that you’re paying attention to the things he likes and wants

Husband:

–          Making sure her car is well maintained and never low on gas so she doesn’t get stranded and doesn’t have to think about vehicle details

–          Taking an active role with child care and raising children especially when she’s had a rough day or is stressed

–          Helping out with stuff around the house from cleaning, to laundry and meal preparations

–          Finding creative ways to tell her or show her that you appreciate her and the work she does

–          Initiating and purposefully doing something together as a couple that he knows she would really like to do and she knows he would really rather not do as a way to show her how important she is to him!

When wives respect their husbands and yes, submit to their leadership in the marriage and husbands love their wives as themselves, the marriage relationship can be one of the best relationships we can hope to have in our lives.

If your marriage relationship isn’t where you would like it to be, as hard and difficult as this may be, one suggestion before trying to ‘fix’ the other person in the relationship is to try and look at yourself objectively and see what you can do to improve the relationship.

As this blog continues on, I will be posting more on marriage relationships and ways to work through the challenges that inevitably come along the way.

I hope this helps someone today.

Be blessed!