As I continue to journey through the Christmas story in the Bible over 12 days this month, it’s interesting and revealing to try and look at things through someone else’s eyes. Today I want to look at Joseph, to look at not only the man, but also at the unlikely situation he found himself in.
What’s a man to do when he finds out the woman he’s engaged to is pregnant and they haven’t been intimate with one another? That’s the heart-wrenching dilemma Joseph found himself in.
Joseph is a man with strength of character. I say this because, even though his heart has been ripped out with the thought of betrayal when he finds out Mary is pregnant, he doesn’t lash out in anger and he doesn’t publicly humiliate Mary.
Matthew 1:19 says that Joseph had decided to divorce Mary quietly. We all know the rest of the story. Gabriel appears to Joseph in a dream and fills him in on what’s really going on with Mary and Joseph takes Mary to be his wife, but what I was struck by as I read Joseph’s part in the Christmas story is how he had decided to handle the situation before God intervened and filled him in.
There are some days that I’m amazed at how people lash out at each other. How hurtful and mean people can be. When someone has been hurt, it seems to be a natural response to hurt back. Social media has made it very easy to embarrass or humiliate another person without actually having to see them face to face.
Sometimes the hurt is real. But today, seeing as I’m looking at Joseph, I want to specifically look at perceived hurts. Joseph looked at the situation, jumped to his own conclusion (granted it was a very logical conclusion), and started to make plans to act based on what he thought the situation was.
Unless we take the time to investigate a situation for ourselves with a measure of restraint and self-control, we run the risk of jumping to conclusions about things in our own lives and possibly getting the story wrong. Further, if we lash out in anger before we have the real story about what’s happened, we put our relationships with others at risk of damage and we can end up looking foolish ourselves.
Retaliation doesn’t make sense to me. Justice makes sense, but that’s a whole other topic for another day. I’m sure we’ll get to that topic sometime. But inflicting hurt on someone else because they’ve hurt you – what is the real point of that? The result is at least two people who are hurt. With the ease of social media, it’s simple to inflict hurt. What’s not as simple is fixing it afterwards.
Choose your words carefully. Measure your responses, use self-control especially when you find yourself in a situation that makes you angry or upset. Sometimes saying (or typing!) nothing is a better way to go until you’ve had time to cool down and maybe make sure you have the story right about what’s happening.
Joseph showed incredible strength of character by not lashing out and publicly humiliating Mary immediately when he learned that she was pregnant. It’s probably a part of his character that made God choose Joseph for the important role he was to take on in the Christmas story.
The other thing I noticed about Joseph’s response is that he did not gather a bunch of his friends to rant about what Mary had done. He didn’t talk to other people to get their opinions and ‘advice’ on what he should do. Sometimes, bringing other people into a situation only adds fuel to your fire. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t ask for help, but I am saying be VERY careful who you approach for opinions and advice when you’re upset. It’s a good idea to confide in someone you trust, but make sure it’s someone who can help you try to find balance and can help you look at things objectively as opposed to someone who will jump on the rant band wagon with you.
By the way, it’s a good idea to find the people who can help you when you’re upset BEFORE you’re upset. Work not just at finding a friend or two who could be a real help to you, but also try and be that kind of friend yourself.
This is what I’m learning from Joseph today. I hope it helps someone else too. Be blessed.